Posted by Lila on December 30th, 2005
At the end of my previous entry, I wrote:
Neige is coming over on Tuesday to administer my punishment for my defiance, for trying to welsh on my bet, and for the cigarettes I smoked while I thought I had freed myself. I’m very frightened at the thought of what punishment might be in store for me… I’ve promised Mistress Yoko I’ll behave from now on, but she says I still need to “learn a lesson.â€
Well, I’ve had my punishment, and I’ve sure learned my lesson.
Neige arrived early in the day on Tuesday, and after making me strip naked, she proceeded, much to my shock and distress, to give me a haircut! I was shocked because it’s always seemed to be an unspoken understanding before that nothing would be done that would affect my appearance, since that could affect things like my job. That line was crossed a little bit when I lost the wrestling match bet and became Mistress Yoko’s slave, and Mistress Yoko informed me that from that point on I would keep my privates shaved smooth and wear Hello Kitty panties. That keeps me from showering at the gym, and causes me extreme embarrassment when I see my doctor or my gynecologist, but it’s not something that people at my job or anywhere else in my life can see, since it’s all safely under my clothes. But a haircut! I guess this was Mistress Yoko’s way of showing me just how completely she owns me now, and how much at her mercy I am. It sure got the point across!
I was really distressed at first (crying and terrified, in fact), because I thought that maybe Mistress Yoko was so displeased with me that she was going to have Neige shave my head, or give me a mohawk or something! My workplace is pretty conservative, and that would have seriously damaged my career, probably permanently. Fortunately, once Neige saw how scared I was, she let me know that this wasn’t going to be that kind of haircut. And it wasn’t. She’s actually really good at cutting hair. She cut it a little shorter, took a layer off, and gave me bangs. I was pretty distressed about the bangs, because they make me look like I’m a 24-year-old Bay Area slacker/hipster chick (which is what Neige is, go figure).
I know that as a 36-year-old woman I should be pretty damned happy to look 24, but actually the fact that I’ve always looked young for my age drives me nuts because it’s made it harder to get taken seriously in my career, and because gets me a lot of attention from young guys that’s kind of flattering but is also very uncomfortable for someone with my social anxiety issues. Plus, the haircut is humiliating because I know that it’s all about making me look younger to remind me whenever I look in the mirror that in my sex life, such as it is, I’m permanently the “little girl†instead of a grown woman… even though I’m a lot older than Neige and Valkyrie, and actually slightly older than Mistress Yoko, I don’t get to deal with them woman-to-woman; I’m always the little girl who has to do what she’s told or be punished.
But I have to admit that it’s not a bad haircut, and the people at my job all complimented me on it. It’s a good thing, too, because Neige says that I’m keeping it.
After my haircut Neige let me take a shower, and then she put me over her knee and spanked me with a ruler. “Like a naughty little schoolgirl,†she said, “now that you look even more like one.†I didn’t think it would do any good to point out that when I really was a schoolgirl in a school with corporal punishment, punished students were always at least permitted to keep their clothes on!
Then Neige inserted the evil vibrating toys that are always put in my nether orifices for my chat sessions with Mistress Yoko, and tied me into my chair as is always done for those chat sessions. Mistress Yoko amused herself at my expense for a while by having Neige turn the toys on and making me try to carry on our chat while the toys were running.
After she had Neige turn the toys off, Mistress Yoko challenged me to a game of online Scrabble. She said that if I won, she’d take 50 MDPs off my total, but if I lost, I’d get another 50 swats on my bare bottom with that ruler. I lost. Mistress Yoko is a really good Scrabble player, but I think I did fairly well considering that she made me play naked and tied up with a vibrator (turned off, thank God) and a butt plug stuck in my nether regions. Those are very distracting conditions to play under, especially since I was going insane with horniness because the toys had been turned on earlier and then turned off before I got to come. That’s a really hard way to play Scrabble, and of course Mistress Yoko knew very well that it was cruel torture for me to sit there naked and desperate and unable to get any relief through the entire game (which went on for about 2 hours)!
After beating me at Scrabble, Mistress Yoko signed off and went off to have dinner, leaving me in Neige’s hands to receive my 50 swats for losing, plus the punishment that was still in store for me for all my defiance the previous week. I begged Mistress Yoko to show mercy, explaining that there was no need to punish me because I’d already learned my lesson and would never dare to defy her again, but as usual I got no mercy from her; she said that she wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t forget the lesson this time.
The first part of my punishment was that Neige got to take me up the rear end with that huge strap-on of hers. She went at me for what seemed like ages, certainly longer than she’s ever done that to me before. It must have been at least 20 minutes or more, and I was crying and begging her to stop after the first 3 or 4 minutes. Not only did she not stop, but all the time she was doing it to me, she made me repeat various phrases like, “I’m a naughty little slave girl and I deserve to be punished,†and “This is what I get for disobeying Mistress Yoko.â€
Neige then announced that I was to be tied to the bed to receive my 50 swats on the bare (and now terribly abused) bottom.
Neige put me on my back on the bed, tied my wrists to the bedposts, and then tied my ankles to the same bedposts as my wrists. This forced my body to bend at the waist into a tight C shape, with my poor abused bottom in the air, pointing at the ceiling, and my privates practically in my face! With my bottom thus exposed and vulnerable, Neige proceeded to take her sweet time administering those 50 swats, teasing and taunting me all the while and sometimes making me cry and beg by tormenting my sore and swollen anus.
At last my spanking was over, but Neige still didn’t untie me. At this point I knew what torture I was in for next, because Mistress Yoko had had Neige inflict it on my once before, when I lost my wrestling match with Neige and became Mistress Yoko’s slave, and Mistress Yoko was subjecting me to a long evening of torture and humiliation to teach me my place.
The torture, basically, was having to hold my pee in for a long time… it’s always torture having to pee really badly and being forced to hold it in, but Mistress Yoko has an especially evil twist on that torture: in the position she had me tied in, I really couldn’t afford to let the slightest drop of pee escape, because my privates were positioned in such a way that if I peed, I’d pee on my own face and breasts!
I remembered that Neige had been very generous about giving me water to drink toward the end of my Scrabble game, and then had given me two full pint glasses of water right after she’d finished going at me with the strap-on, when my throat had been so sore from begging and crying that I’d been grateful for all that water and hadn’t thought to be suspicious! So by now, I already had to pee pretty badly, and I knew I still had a lot of waiting, begging, and grovelling to do before I’d be untied and allowed to run for the bathroom!
So beg and grovel I did. Neige really exploited my situation for all it was worth, too: I had to demean myself verbally in all kinds of ways, and she kept giving me cruel little tickles, and threatening to start tickling me in earnest, which finally made me break down and sob for mercy.
Just like the last time, Neige waited until I was sobbing and desperate, and then read a message from Mistress Yoko aloud to me. The last time, after the wrestling match, the message had said:
After long consideration, I’ve decided not to let you wet your bed this time. I’m being WAY more merciful than you deserve, Lila.
This time, the message was longer. What a position to be in to receive a lecture, I thought! But I didn’t know the half of it…
This is what Mistress Yoko’s message for me said this time:
My dear slave,
Under normal circumstances, if you had been behaving well, I would be merciful and lessen your punishment. However, because of your recent defiance, in which you had taken advantage of my mercifulness, I have no choice but to dole out punishment so that you understand the consequences of your actions.
So here you are, tied up and no doubt begging Neige for release. This time, however, I’ve instructed her not to untie you and let you relieve yourself. You had doubted and underestimated me yet again. Don’t do that!
I’ve always wondered whether that old wives’ tale of putting someone’s hand in warm water while they’re sleeping actually makes them wet their bed. What do you think?
Sorry, Lila. This is for your own good, and to make sure you don’t defy me again and smoke. You’re doing a good job so far — keep it up!
Love, Yoko
I couldn’t believe it! When I finally understood what I was hearing, I went completely hysterical, screaming and pleading, trying desperately to persuade Neige not to do this to me. But Neige just smiled evilly and said that Mistress Yoko had made up her mind that this was to be my punishment, and that it served me right for my defiance, and that now I was finally going to learn just how dire the consequences of forgetting my place could be.
And she sat there and watched me and taunted me as I sobbed and begged, and finally I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Mistress Yoko has done many cruel and humiliating things to me before, but nothing like this. No one has ever done anything this cruel and humiliating to me before. Mistress Yoko was right: I really had been underestimating her. I never imagined she was capable of doing anything this evil.
And she was right about it teaching me a lesson. I’ll never underestimate her again. I understand now that I really am her slave, that she really truly owns me, because now I know that anytime she wants to, she can inflict punishments on me that I will do anything to avoid. I feel different now, I understand my enslavement to Mistress Yoko differently. I am terrified of ever displeasing her again. I will do anything now to please her and avoid being punished like this again. This is what it really means to be completely owned: to live in fear of my Mistress’ displeasure; to know that I am always hers to toy with because anytime I fail to please her, she can punish me in ways that I can’t endure. She can dish out more than I can take… and not only that, but she can do it lightheartedly and casually, cheerfully teasing me as she inflicts the most unbearable humiliations on me!
I’m fiercely competitive, so it kills me to say this, but she really has bested me completely now. She’s won. She’s a more skilled and more ruthless competitor than I, and a more evil and powerful Mistress than I think I could be in her position. Even if it pleases her to free me eventually, I’ll always have to live with the knowledge of how thoroughly she’s humbled me, and with the knowledge that I’m only free because it pleased her to allow it.
She’s shown me that she really is my superior, and that it really is my proper place to be her slave.
And needless to say, I won’t ever dare to smoke again.
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Posted by Lila on December 22nd, 2005
Mistress Yoko has ordered me to write this:
I cheated and smoked cigarettes Monday. Mistress Yoko has punished me as I deserve, because I disobeyed her. I’ve been a very, very bad girl.
And she’s also ordered me to write the details here, for my further humiliation.
It started on Monday when I was bantering with Mistress Yoko during our chess game. She asked me about how quitting smoking was going, and I asked if I could just cut down a little a time instead of quitting cold turkey. She said that it had to be cold turkey, and that I’d be spanked if I cheated.
I said that since I get spanked all the time anyway, sometimes for no reason at all except that it amuses her to have me spanked, I might as well cheat! Well, it turns out that when she said “spanked,†she meant it in a broader sense… she meant that I’d be punished severely, and spanking was the least of the punishments! But by that time, I’d mouthed off so much about cheating that she decided that she was going to punish me for thinking so much about cheating, just to give me a taste of what happened if I really did ever cheat.
Well, I was pretty mad, I thought it was totally unfair to punish me when I hadn’t really cheated. And I was having serious nic fits and in a bad mood from not having cigarettes, so I decided that since I was going to be punished anyway, I might as well really cheat! So after work I bought a pack of cigarettes and I smoked a few that evening… and boy, did that feel good! Unfortunately, Mistress Yoko has now shown me that it wasn’t worth it.
Neige came over very late that night, when I was already in bed. She gave me a spanking, and then said that it was bedtime. She shackled my ankle to the bed, put a dog collar on me, and cuffed my wrists to the collar, which is how she always makes me sleep when she spends the night with me, because Valkyrie told her about the time that I almost succeeded in tying up Valkyrie in her sleep. Then she teased me for a while until she fell asleep, which she always does when I’m restrained that way for the night because she knows I’ll go crazy from being unable to touch myself with my hands cuffed like that. Still, with just that and a spanking, I was glad I’d gotten off so easy… I’d just gotten the light punishment for talking about cheating; I’d gotten away with cheating! Or so I thought!
In the morning, Neige untied me and we had coffee, and then I went and took a shower. I spend a very long time on my morning shower, because I enjoy it and have a lot of hair to wash, and mostly because I have to shave my privates very thoroughly and carefully every day… Mistress Yoko demands that I keep them absolutely smooth, and I don’t want to find out what will happen to me if Neige ever catches me with stubble down there!
Well, while I was in the shower, Neige found the cigarettes in my purse, and emailed Mistress Yoko at work. When I emerged from the shower, freshly shaved, naked, and vulnerable, I almost instantly found myself lying on the floor, bound hand and foot and with a ballgag in my mouth. Neige showed me the cigarettes she’d found, and told me that Mistress Yoko had decreed some punishment for me. To my horror, she then took some pictures of me like that to send to Mistress Yoko! She gave me another spanking, much harder than the one the night before, using her shoe, and then she sat on my legs and tickled my feet until I was sobbing, before using her shoe to smack the bottoms of my feet.
She tied me into my chair at my desk and made me write an email to Mistress Yoko, but first she inserted a very, very large dildo in my rear end… absolutely the largest thing she’s ever put in there! It was very painful, like I had to go to the bathroom very badly, and I had to sit there like that while I waited for Mistress Yoko to write back and say that my punishment was over and I could be released.
Well I was pretty mad about the whole thing, especially the photos, and I guess I’ve been pretty irritible from quitting smoking, so in my email conversation with Mistress Yoko I foolishly tried to stand up to her and tell her she couldn’t do this to me, instead of begging for mercy like I should have in that position. Needless to say, she wasn’t very intimidated by my wrath, and I soon found myself in agony, wearing nipple clips in addition to the dildo in my rear end!
I could barely type at all like that, but I frantically emailed Mistress Yoko again, begging to be released. She wrote back to say that she was busy editing some records at work, and that I could just sit there like that until she was done. I sent some more frantic emails begging her to at least tell Neige to take the clips off, but in the end Mistress Yoko left me suffering like that for an entire hour! She must have had fun doing her work, knowing that all the while I was stuck in that painful and humiliating predicament, awaiting her mercy whenever it pleased her to grant it!
Well, after she finally told Neige to release me, I was furious… about not being able to smoke, about the punishment and humiliation, about not being able to smoke, about Mistress Yoko having Neige take photos of me, and about not being able to smoke. So later that day I wrote to Mistress Yoko, and now that I wasn’t tied up anymore and Neige wasn’t there to punish me, I told her that I was done being her slave, and that there was nothing she could do about it because I just wasn’t going to let Neige come into my apartment anymore, which would meant that Mistress Yoko wouldn’t be able to have Neige administer punishments. I got quite intoxicated by my unaccustomed sense of freedom… I even deleted a comment that Mistress Yoko made to the entry before this one, in which she asked my readers to weigh in and tell me I should honor the terms of my bet! I felt bad about all this because I’ve never, ever welshed on a bet before, and I’ve always bragged that I never would. But at least now I’d get to smoke, and I was free and would never again have to suffer cruel torments and humiliations at Mistress Yoko’s evil whim!
Well, as you’ve probably guessed, it didn’t quite work out that way. It turned out that I underestimated Mistress Yoko yet again… underestimated her cleverness, her cunning, her evil streak, her sheer ruthlessness, her determination to have complete victory over me. I’m not at liberty to discuss the details, but let’s just say that Mistress Yoko is in possession of certain information that gives her a great deal of power over me… complete power, in fact… and that she’s made it clear that she’s willing to exploit this advantage over me in order to keep me in line.
In other words, I’m screwed. I can’t back out of my slavery. I belong to Mistress Yoko to do with as she pleases for as long as it pleases her to keep me under her thumb. When she sends Neige to punish me, I have to submit to it. Mistress Yoko has bested me much more thoroughly than I’d previously imagined, and I’m helpless to prevent her from enjoying the spoils of her victory (me) however she wants to, for as long as she wants to.
She says that she still plans to free me someday, but that because of my recent defiance, she’s going to make it harder on me. She’s also made my slavery even harder and more humiliating now, to make sure I never forget my place again… on top of everything else, now whenever I address her, even when we’re playing chess or I’m commnting in her blog, I have to refer to myself as “Your Slave,†rather than “I†or “meâ€!
Neige is coming over on Tuesday to administer my punishment for my defiance, for trying to welsh on my bet, and for the cigarettes I smoked while I thought I had freed myself. I’m very frightened at the thought of what punishment might be in store for me… I’ve promised Mistress Yoko I’ll behave from now on, but she says I still need to “learn a lesson.â€
Oh, she also made me add the Quitmeter in the upper right-hand corner of this page, so she and everyone else can see how I’m doing with quitting smoking. It starts from 8:00 this morning, when I had my very last cigarette.
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Posted by Lila on December 16th, 2005
Going crazy not being able to smoke. I think the only thing that could take my mind off of it is good old sex. But the only non-solo sex life that Mistress Yoko permits me to have is whatever it pleases her to tell Neige to do to me, whenever it pleases her and Neige to set up a visit… and it’s anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks between visits. Like the sexual tortures I’m subjected to on those occasions, and the orgasms I’m sometimes forced to have for Mistress Yoko’s amusement while she’s chatting with me online, the long periods of maddening sexual frustration in between Neige’s visits is part of how Mistress Yoko makes sure that I never get to forget her power over me for a minute of my life. It amuses her to know that I’m totally dependent on her for sexual release (at least, the non-solitary kind), and that if she chooses to let me go without that release, I’ll be thinking of her as I suffer.
But solitary sex is still allowed to me, so if I’m really going to quit smoking, I’m going to need sexy stuff to read! And that’s why I’m announcing…
The First Guttergaunt Story Contest!
I was thinking about my unusual relationship with Mistress Yoko. We started out as friends, and, as I’m reminded whenever we chat or exchange emails or play games while I’m not tied up and being tormented, we’re still friends, and we like each other a lot. She’s the closest friend I have, in fact, and probably knows me better than anyone else (which I’m not always happy about, when she’s exploiting her knowledge of me to cruel ends… but sometimes it’s nice).
And I was thinking about how the majority of my participating readers, the ones who write me comments or emails, or send Mistress Yoko suggestions for how to torture me, are women… and not necessarily lesbians or practicing bisexuals, either. Mistress Yoko is heterosexual herself.
Mistress Yoko and I are friends, but when she had the chance to make me her slave as well, she did so gleefully, and thoroughly enjoys lording it over me and making me a toy for her cruel amusement. And I would do the same to her, and fantasized about it even before she did it to me.
So I started wondering… how many of my female readers would enjoy doing something similar, or can at least enjoy fantasizing about it? How many girls and women find it fun and sexy to imagine somehow getting into a position (by winning a bet or a wrestling match, or through some other means) in which a female friend of yours is completely at your mercy and you lord it over her and amuse yourself with her in some way that’s very embarrassing for her?
That’s the theme for all you female readers of mine to write stories about: your most fun and evil fantasy of how a female [friend, co-worker, roommate, classmate, boss, employee, stepsister, cousin, enemy, arch-rival, whatever] ended up at your mercy, and what you did with her.
It can be as long or as short as you like. You can email it to me at Lila at guttergaunt dot com, or, if you want to be really anonymous, you can just go and post it on the Storybook page.
There are no other rules, and you can enter as many stories as you like. Right now, there’s no deadline, but if you can write some stories soon, maybe it will help me quit smoking. Eventually, I’ll decide on a deadline, but not for a while. When it’s all over, I’ll invent a bunch of prize categories so that every story will win some kind of honor, like Sexiest, Longest, Funniest, Most Believable, Wildest, or Most Evil.
Ready… go!
Edit, added the morning after:
Silly me, I forgot all about my readers whose fantasies run more toward the submissive side! I’d love to hear your most deliciously embarrassing fantasy of how a female [friend, co-worker, roommate, classmate, boss, employee, stepsister, cousin, enemy, arch-rival, whatever] got you at her mercy, and what she did with you!
Also, when I say “what you did with her†or “what she did with you,†please feel free to make it, “what [all/both] of you did with her,†or “what they did to you†– I love stories where one girl gets ganged up on by two or more!
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Posted by Lila on December 16th, 2005
Mistress Yoko and I are playing chess. We’re using itsyourturn.com, a great site where instead of playing in realtime, one player makes a move and it gets saved on the server, and then an email is automatically sent out to the other player letting her know that it’s her turn to move.
It’s a lot of fun. I haven’t played chess in about 15 years, and I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it. It’s hard to find girls who play… when I was in high school, I was the only girl in the Chess Club (it turns out that Mistress Yoko was also in a chess club, in junior high school).
Mistress Yoko is being very generous with me about the chess game: if I win, I get to take 50 MDPs off my total, and there’s no penalty for losing! Unfortunately, in addition to a painful and humiliating punishment, my defiance on Wednesday morning also netted me another 100 MDPs, so I need to win 2 games just to get back to the 950 I was at previously. But at least she’s giving me a fun way to work them off!
Anyway, one of the most fun things about playing games online is that each time you make a move, you get to add a brief message for your opponent. So we’ve been bantering back and forth, and it’s always nice to have a chance to banter with Mistress Yoko when I’m not tied up and naked. She does taunt me very cruelly about her power over me and about certain unfortunate things that it’s very embarrassing and infuriating to be reminded of and to have rubbed in… but at least this time, she good-naturedly tolerates me talking back. Not that I’d dare to get too disrespectful… but as long as she and I both know that she can put me in my place when she wants to, she seems willing to let me have some fun in this conversation.
One topic that comes up a lot between us is what I’d do to her if I could turn the tables on her and have her in my power. This is a topic that Mistress Yoko always seems willing to let me talk about quite graphically, without punishing me for disrespect… probably because she and I both know that I’ll never get a chance to have the revenge I dream of, so it always amuses her to hear how desperately I wish for it. In a way, the fact that I’m allowed to talk about it rubs in the fact that she knows how completely she’s truimphed over me. With Neige and Valkyrie, at least I’ve had the opportunity at one time to see each of them naked and helpless before me, begging me for mercy… ah, sweet memories… but with Mistress Yoko, I’ve never had that chance, and I never will, and she enjoys knowing how much that drives me crazy.
Maybe I can at least beat her at chess.
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Posted by Lila on December 15th, 2005
I’m chewing nicotene gum. Chewing my hair. Chewing pens. Chewing my fingernails. Chewing my lips. Chewing out my underlings at work.
I need a cigarette, damn it!
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