Posted by Lila on September 20th, 2006
I’ve decided to become a Zen Buddhist nun.
Seriously. In about three weeks, I’m going back to the monastery to spend a little over two months there, studying and preparing myself to take my vows, learning what I need to learn, and seeing if they’ll accept me.
I’ll come back just in time for Christmas, when I’ll go visit my family and break the news to them. I’m not looking forward to that part.
Then I’ll spend the Winter studying and practicing, contemplating my decision to see if I’m really ready to go through with it, putting my affairs in order, and tying up loose ends like my revenge on Valkyrie.
In mid-March, if all goes according to plan, if they accept me, and if I don’t have a last-minute change of heart, I’ll go back into the monastery to stay… maybe for years. Maybe for the rest of my life.
(Now you know why I’m timing my revenge on Valkyrie the way I am, and why she’s planning to visit me in early March.)
I gave a month’s notice at my job early last week.
I’ve been climbing the corporate ladder for years. I’m financially savvy (I work in finance), and aside from the exhorbitant rent on this incredible apartment of mine, and the few thousand dollars I donate to charities each year, I’ve always kept my expenses low. So I’ve got a lot of money saved up and wisely invested… enough that I don’t have to work between now and mid-March, and enough so that if it doesn’t work out at the monastery, or if I ever turn my back on the monastic life, I could easily live comfortably without working for a whole year while I figure out what to do next.
I came to this decision during my visit to the monastery this Summer, but I spent a while agonizing over it after I got back. And of course, one of my biggest anxieties was how to broach the subject with Mistress Yoko. My life and body are not my own, they belong to Mistress Yoko… and I learned the hard way, when I tried to stand up to her over the issue of my smoking, that this is something I have to take completely seriously at all times. My slavery is not just a sexual thing, she owns me in every way, and she’s quite serious about it. If I made a major change in my life without her permission, the consequences would be dire… far more dire than anything you’ve read about on this site so far. She’s told me what some of those consequences might be (no, I’m not at liberty to reveal them), and I know that she has the ability to go through with them, and there’s no way I’d dare defy her. She’s stronger than me, and I’m forever at her mercy. She is merciful, and I’m eternally grateful that she hasn’t exploited her power over me in more terrible ways than she has done. If she wanted to, she has enough power over me that she could force me to get tattooed, or to offer my sexual services to any friend of hers who wanted to enjoy them, or to make her house payments for her. She’s not the kind of person who would do things like that, but ever since the smoking incident I’ve been very much aware of all the things like that (and worse!) that she could do to me if she chose to, and very much aware of how fortunate I am that she’s a good-hearted person and a good friend, and very much aware that I need to be extremely grateful and appreciative.
Anyway, the point is that I could never do anything this big, no matter how important it was to me, unless she decided to allow it. And this is really big, because once I do go into the monastery and take my vows, she doesn’t get to play with me anymore. I’ll always be her slave in my heart, but for all practical purposes, asking her to let me do this is asking her to free me.
I was terrified to ask. She really could just say no, or she could make me take a year or two or more to work off the rest of my MDPs first. But even though she’s my mistress, my owner, my cruel conqueror, first and foremost she’s always been my friend. And she’s always been a very supportive and understanding friend, especially where my spiritual seeking is concerned. So a couple of weeks ago I finally broke down and wrote her a very long email, confessing everything… my feelings for her, my need to do this, everything I felt about my slavery and my spiritual needs… and begged her as my friend and owner to let me do this.
Obviously, she said yes. She was completely kind, generous, and supportive, even more than I’d ever dared hope for. It made me cry to have a friend so good.
I’m still her slave (and I always will be in a way), and as long as I’m not in the monastery I must continue to serve and obey her as always. And if it doesn’t work out at the monastery, if I ever leave the monastic life for any reason, my slavery resumes immediately. But she’s letting me go.
Of course, until mid-October, and then again from late December until mid-March, she’s going to get all the evil amusement out of my slavery that she can… ending with that visit from Valkyrie in early March, when Valkyrie and Neige will help her to give me a “farewell party” that I’m already dreading… I know that she’s going to make it memorable, even though she already knows that I’m never going to forget her.
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Posted by Lila on September 19th, 2006
Well, if you’ve read my August 23rd entry and the first five comments on it, you know what Valkyrie did to me back in May (which I didn’t find out I had Valkyrie to thank for, until I posted that entry and she posted her comment taunting me about it).
Valkyrie and I exchange emails now and then, and the next email I got from her after that entry and comment were posted contained more of her impudent and quite unfunny taunting about what she’d done to me. So when I wrote back, I swore to her that one day soon I’d have my revenge upon her.
Well, of course the impudent wench just taunted me all the more. It seems she doesn’t believe that I can get revenge on her!
I admit she’s got some pretty good reasons to scoff. As she was quick to point out, even if she did have a boyfriend or girlfriend who might be willing to follow some fun instructions from me, she wouldn’t tell them about me, or give me any way to contact them… so it doesn’t look like I can do anything to her by proxy. But she doesn’t think I can do anything to her in person, either. Since she lives far away, in a place in Southern California I’ve never been to, and I don’t even know her current street address, it would be kind of hard for me to catch her by surprise. And she can easily out-wrestle me and Neige put together, so if she voluntarily let us visit, or came and visited me, we couldn’t do anything to her unless we surprised her in her sleep or something… and at this point, she’d be so on guard that if she was in the same room as me and/or Neige, she’d probably tie us both up immediately, and keep us that way, just in case.
You know, when I list all those factors, it does kind of sound like I don’t have much of a shot at revenge…
But don’t be fooled. I am not to be underestimated. It’s true that I’m no match for Mistress Yoko, or anyone who’s got Mistress Yoko backing them up. But Mistress Yoko is a most superior woman… just because she’s woman enough to do whatever she wants with me, doesn’t mean that just anyone can get away with humiliating me! Part of what makes Mistress Yoko superior is that she’s more clever than me… too clever to underestimate me. The same can not be said for Valkyrie, as Valkyrie will find out…
Other people get away with humiliating me because it amuses Mistress Yoko to allow them to. But in this case, Mistress Yoko seems to feel (and I’m sure you’ll all agree) that if I really am clever enough to find some way to get Valkyrie at my mercy, then I deserve to be allowed to take revenge!
So, this brings me to Neige’s visit a week ago. After I’d stripped and submitted to the usual inspection, teasing, prodding, spanking, servicing of Neige, and repeating of my catechism of submission to Mistress Yoko, Neige made me lie face-up on the bed and tied me spreadeagled. She then produced a tiny jar, which she showed to me, smiling evilly.
Tiger Balm!
As I begged for mercy, she slowly applied huge globs of Tiger Balm to both of my nipples… in fact, she pretty much covered my breasts with it! I thrashed around furiously, whimpering in pain as the burning began… but the worst was yet to come. She scooped out another big glob of it with her fingers, and moved a little closer to the foot of the bed. At first I thought she might put it on my vaginal lips, or even my clitoris, and I started to cry. She didn’t, but it was almost as bad: she put one hand under my ass, and spread a thick circle of Tiger Balm all around my anus!
It was sheer, burning agony! And totally humiliating, because I couldn’t stop myself from squirming and writhing and crying and whimpering, and Neige just sat back and watched the show, laughing at me.
After a minute or so, when the burn had really had time to kick in, Neige said to me, “Valkyrie sends her love. This is a little gift from her, and she says to tell you that it’s just one more thing that you’re never going to get a chance to pay her back for. She says to make sure that you write about it in your blog so everyone will know that she got you again. And she also says that there will be more fun surprises like this to come, any time she feels like it.”
Then Neige just let me lie there, taunting me occasionally as I writhed and whimpered and sobbed. When the burning finally started to subside enough that I was able to get control of myself and stop my desperate squirming, Neige untied my hands and made me bring myself to orgasm before she left me to untie my feet and clean the Tiger Balm off.
Valkyrie, you’re just making this worse on yourself. I’ll be paying you back for all of this. Thanks for the Tiger Balm idea… I hope you enjoy it when your time comes!
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Posted by Lila on September 18th, 2006
I’ve been trying to get a new entry posted for a while now, but I have so much to write about that it’s downright intimidating… I’ve just got no idea where to even start.
First of all, with all the fun and games that Maybue and Faighnee were up to, you may be wondering why it’s been so long since you had an update on that delicious situation. After all, Maybue had invited us all to play with Faighnee, and some of you had sent in some delightful suggestions… so what happened?
Well, Maybue has a condition (I’m not sure if it’s epilepsy or something else) that causes her to occasionally suffer seizures. About three weeks ago, she had a grand mal seizure while riding her bicycle, and she fell and landed in traffic. She was hurt really badly, worse that anyone I’ve ever known has been hurt. She broke both her legs, her wrist, her collarbone, and a couple of ribs, and got a concussion and a hairline skull fracture. I cried when I read Faighnee’s email about it… I can’t even imagine being hurt that badly, and I was really scared she might not survive, not to mention what Faighnee must have been going through…
Anyway, she did survive, thank God. She was finally released from the hospital this weekend. She’s home, and Faighnee is taking care of her. When you need as much care as Maybue needs right now, it’s very good indeed to have your own personal slave! I was delighted to hear from Faighnee that Maybue, now that she’s recovered enough to remember that Faighnee is still her slave, has begun keeping herself amused by having Faighnee perform for her in various ways. I’m sure that will keep Maybue’s spirits up… and studies have shown that happy, amused patients recover better and faster!
Happy as I am that Maybue has a fine slave like Faighnee to keep her amused, I was a bit less happy when I saw the new comment from Faighnee in the comments section of the previous entry… the comment where Faighnee says to Neige, “Lady Maybue asks if you could do the ice-cube game again. If you know a way to make it more challenging, please do.”
Apparently, Maybue has decided that in addition to having her own slave amuse her, she gets to amuse herself with me as well! I guess that’s a good sign in a way, because if she’s getting her evil sense of fun back she must be on the road to recovery… but why me? Unfortunately, I know that objecting will get me nowhere, because Mistress Yoko has been as concerned for Maybue as I’ve been, and she’s quite generous toward friends in need, so I’m sure that she’s going to generously let Maybue amuse herself with me however she likes, regardless of what I might have to say about it!
I’ve been trying to bring myself to write about this since I first heard from Faighnee about the accident, but it’s brought up so many complicated thoughts and feelings for me that I’ve had a hard time bringing myself to sit down and start sorting through it all. And right now, it’s past midnight, and I’m too tired to start trying to write about the bits that I have sorted through. But I wanted all you readers to know what was going on, so that you can all join me and Mistress Yoko in sending Maybue and Faighnee good thoughts and wishes.
More soon, since I’ve only got a little less than 48 hours until my deadline for writing an entry about Neige’s visit this past Tuesday, and about a certain score I have to settle now…
And once I get caught up on reporting about all that, there’s a really, really big announcement coming soon…
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